My mother's sister has made physical fitness a daily priority in her life for a long, long time. Probably since the sixties, but maybe longer. She enjoys walks after dinner, going to Curves and an assortment of other activities which combined with her good eating habits have kept her in great shape. Last week she read my blog and sent my mom a kind e-mail saying, "Elizabeth can make the mundane so funny!".
I have two thoughts about this.
The First - I love compliments and especially love being told my writing is funny. Her words make me feel very, very good. (Thanks Aunt Marty!)
The Second - Exercise is mundane?? That's where I've been going wrong! (I'm making the hitting my forehead with the palm of my hand motion.)
To my mind, exercise isn't so mundane, it's more akin to an exotic trip abroad...like visiting an ashram in rural India. When I go to workout I'm outside my comfort zone, there's an element of spiritual seeking and I'm not sure what's going to happen next.
Example...
Take the seemingly mundane task of going to the gym and jumping onto the elliptical machine for thirty minutes. I put in my earbuds and allow my mind to soar.
One of my two favorite fantasies emerge.
I'm an amazing white, plump, female rapper -- like Queen Latifah back in the 80's, only angry like Eminem. I shake things up with my look, wearing pastels, a pink cardigan and a button up shirt with jeans and ballet flats. The critics love my love for juxtaposition and appreciate my humor.
SPIN MAGAZINE says, E-low takes fighting the power to the next level, finally a rap artist speaks out against automated teleprompts, evil cable oligopolies and terrible customer service. Her nice midwestern looks and "Don't Frak with me" dope rhymes make her assessable to her loyal audience which spans generation, ethnicity and income level.
Oh, yeah. Everyone loves me when I'm an elliptical rap star.
Until, I begin to analyze the rap lyrics. I find the profundity behind the profanity. After all, Eminem is right, we might all be Slim Shady, so let's all stand up and if you know what I'm talking about, perhaps "The Real Slim Shady" is on your exercise mix too.
Soon after I start to dissect the lyrics, I begin to get restless with exercising and it's time to bring in the big guns...
"I Don't Feel Like Dancing" by the Scissor Sisters
The fantasy...
I'm a six foot tall Drag Queen with a huge wig, glitter eye shadow, ruby red platform pumps, and a grand ball gown, the kind of thing that would make Tim Gunn use the word, "costume". When I come onto the dance floor, everyone notices.
Not very mundane, is it? Well, not for me anyway, I suppose for an actual Drag Queen it could be, but, in my fantasy Drag Queens only admit to being fabulous.
And that's why this is why this is my beloved fantasy.
Like many woman, I'm prone to feeling fat and ugly.
One such day, I was on the elliptical machine, listening to the Scissor Sisters and I thought to myself, "I hate being a girl and feeling fat and ugly". Then I thought, "You know who really enjoys being a girl? Drag Queens." In all the movies I've seen them in, they really seem to work it in bold, exaggerated ways that I have not worked being a woman... well ever.
So, I did what any writer would do, pretended I was a Drag Queen at a disco rather than a fat girl on the elliptical and you know what? The time I was exercising FLEW by. So, I bought an ABBA album and the rest is history.
Though sometimes, when I'm feeling more mundane, I do wonder what the person exercising behind me thinks. Because, that person, has probably made exercise a daily habit and finds it to be... mundane and is probably amused by all my jumping around while I work the exercise machines.
