The Unfit Athlete

UNFIT -- BUT, ADORABLE

This is me after my Saturday walk.  3 miles.  37 minutes.  2/3 of it uphill.  It's the walk I refer to as "around the block".  This block is my "base training".  I'm committed to walking it...  everyday?  Five times a week?  Well, a lot.

How about this -- if I walk that loop at least three times a week, I get to take an individual Pilates class.  Snap.  Look at me rewarding myself with something OTHER than food.  Yay me!  

The outfit is Junonia - I'm almost a fan.  If the shirt were a little more fitted in the waist so I don't look like one giant blue mushroom (the mushroom effect is much worse in person - Doug encouraged me not to leave the house wearing this, but the picture doesn't make it look too bad and it was comfortable to exercise in).  The good news is it's QuickWick and great to move in.  The shirt has a pocket on the back panel -- so it's good for biking too, which is nice.  (Someday I will bike.)    I found walking with my phone on my back rather than in a side pocket very comfortable.  The skirt is actually a sports skort.  The short aspect of it is made of spandex - also comfortable and is long enough to prevent chafing.

That's right, I said chafing.  Doesn't seem like polite conversation, but if this blog is going to work, I'm going to have to discuss chafing and other uncomfortable things that athletes have to deal with.  It turns out even thin athletes chafe.  Marathon runners have to lube up before they run.  It's true.  I know someone whose nipples bled during a marathon.  A dude!   From friction with his shirt.  It's true.

Back to fun things...

Notice my hands are placed delicately on my hips and my left knee is bent.  Working my angles.  Oh, yeah.  Watched enough AMERICA'S TOP MODEL to know how to work it.  If I didn't have my awesome shades on, you'd be able to tell that I'm smiling with my eyes.  :)

I know I've been talking about sports fashion and shopping in the last few entries. My blog will not be consumed with this, but right now, it's on my mind, because I'm trying to LOOK like an athlete.   It's challenging to shop in general when you're plus size.   Most stores in Los Angeles do not carry plus size clothing.  Fewer stores carry plus size activewear.  Fewer stores still carry plus size activewear that you can be active in.  (Velour is not an appropriate material for exercise clothing.  Neither is fuzzy terry cloth.  Those materials are for lounging.)

That's it for now.  

WHERE DO FAT ATHLETES SHOP?

Seriously. I want to look cute when I shake my toosh.  

Target is hit or miss with their plus clothing.  Sometimes they have great things sometimes they have nothing.  In terms of athletic wear --  I can fit into their XX Large athletic wear, but they don't seem to carry actual plus sized athletic clothing.  And they don't consistently sell clothing that I can squeeze my gorgeous voluptuous body into.  In other words -- I can't count on finding something there.  But, occasionally I have found cute pieces there and most of the clothing I work out in comes from Target.  Unfortunately, I've gained a few pounds recently and it doesn't fit as well as it used to.  

"Activeware" at Lane Bryant is all made of velour.  Not something I actually want to work out in.  

Junonia might be my best bet -- but it looks like -- well, mom clothing.  Not cool, hip fabulous boho mom clothing, but, I let myself go when I had children mom clothing.  

DEAR CLOTHING MANUFACTURERS -- MAYBE WE HAVE LET OURSELVES GO -- BUT WE DO NOT WANT TO DRESS LIKE IT!!! Especially, while we're trying to reverse the effects of letting ourselves go.  How can we be expected to be motivated and athletic when we're dressed like frumpy haus fraus??  We will spend our money if you make cute athletic clothing for us.  Just meet us half way.

Excuse the outburst.  Where was I?  Oh, yes...Junonia -- 

Found one good shirt made of QuickWik fabric. (It even sounds sporty.  I can totally hear Lance Armstrong talking about QuickWik fabric.)  Junonia is also the only place I've found sports bathing suits out of season.

Macy's doesn't have anything.

J.Jill -- this isn't really their scene.

Eddie Bauer is into winter now.

Perhaps there are so few fat athletes in the world we have no place to shop.  And yet -- a whole mess of overweight people are going to be making New Years resolutions in less than two months -- where will they go to buy clothing?????

When Doug rides his bike, he dresses the part of a pro cyclist. (He shops at Voler & Performance - they do not carry plus size clothing)  Part of competition is dressing the role.  If I'm going to be an athlete, I'm going to have to dress like an athlete.  

Tips?  Anyone?   Where do you shop?  

I FALL DOWN. A LOT.

Last night Doug (my fiancé) turned to me and asked, “Why do you fall down so much?”  He asked because while walking to my car after work, I face planted on the sidewalk.  

In my defense, there was a crack.  The pavement was uneven and it’s likely thousands of people have tripped on that sidewalk, in that very spot.

My fall was spectacular.  If there is a hall of fame for tripping, it's going to be me and Dick Van Dyke, because his trip in the title sequence of his show is iconic, but mine was magnificent.  I was in an awkward-forward-almost-fall position for about half a block before I landed on my face.  

The good news is I only hurt two fingers on my left hand, which is what I was telling Doug when he asked me why I fall down so much.

“Well, everyone falls down.  And I only fell because the sidewalk was uneven."  A sound defense.

“Sure they do.  But, since we’ve been together, how many times have I fallen down and how many times have you?”

Darn.  He hasn’t fallen down once and I’ve fallen down many times.  I DO fall down a lot.

This is a reason I should not become an athlete.  It could kill me.  I could actually die.

As I think about it, there are other reasons - many reasons - that I should not become an athlete.  Here are the top ten reasons, I’m unfit to be an athlete. 

1 – I fall down a lot.

2 – I’m overweight, out of shape and according to our Wii Fit (and the woman who watched me fall, and Doug) I have no balance.

3 – I hate all sports.  All of them. 

4 – When a ball is flying toward me, my natural impulse is to avoid it by running in the opposite direction.  Catching is clearly an unnatural act and leads to broken glasses.  Once it's devoid of momentum and gravity has delivered the ball safely to the ground, I'll pick it up.

5 – No hand eye coordination.  Can't catch, hit or volley.

6 – When on grassy fields, I prefer to be in the less crowded areas, far away from the people fighting to control the ball.

7 – At little league games, I root for the kid in the field playing with snails in the grass.  

8 – Don’t like pain or discomfort.

9 –Naturally generous, if someone else really, really wants to win, I might help them, even if it means I will lose.  Winning isn't that important to me anyway.

10 – Seriously, no one wants me on their team.

Even so, I can’t help but wonder what it feels like to finish running that marathon.  Or how to trash talk in French, up hill on a bicycle.  Or what it would feel like to play psychological games to have a competitive advantage. Or to be able to analyze an opponents swing in golf.  Or catch a touchdown.

It makes no logical sense, and I have yet to figure out how to measure my success or failure.  But, I'm going to try to become an athlete.  

Or I'll fall down again.  Either way, I'm going to chronicle the adventure here. The worst thing that can happen is I'll face plant and we all know it won't be the first time.

So, bring it.  (Athletes say that, I'm learning already.)