Last night Doug (my fiancé) turned to me and asked, “Why do you fall down so much?” He asked because while walking to my car after work, I face planted on the sidewalk.
In my defense, there was a crack. The pavement was uneven and it’s likely thousands of people have tripped on that sidewalk, in that very spot.
My fall was spectacular. If there is a hall of fame for tripping, it's going to be me and Dick Van Dyke, because his trip in the title sequence of his show is iconic, but mine was magnificent. I was in an awkward-forward-almost-fall position for about half a block before I landed on my face.
The good news is I only hurt two fingers on my left hand, which is what I was telling Doug when he asked me why I fall down so much.
“Well, everyone falls down. And I only fell because the sidewalk was uneven." A sound defense.
“Sure they do. But, since we’ve been together, how many times have I fallen down and how many times have you?”
Darn. He hasn’t fallen down once and I’ve fallen down many times. I DO fall down a lot.
This is a reason I should not become an athlete. It could kill me. I could actually die.
As I think about it, there are other reasons - many reasons - that I should not become an athlete. Here are the top ten reasons, I’m unfit to be an athlete.
1 – I fall down a lot.
2 – I’m overweight, out of shape and according to our Wii Fit (and the woman who watched me fall, and Doug) I have no balance.
3 – I hate all sports. All of them.
4 – When a ball is flying toward me, my natural impulse is to avoid it by running in the opposite direction. Catching is clearly an unnatural act and leads to broken glasses. Once it's devoid of momentum and gravity has delivered the ball safely to the ground, I'll pick it up.
5 – No hand eye coordination. Can't catch, hit or volley.
6 – When on grassy fields, I prefer to be in the less crowded areas, far away from the people fighting to control the ball.
7 – At little league games, I root for the kid in the field playing with snails in the grass.
8 – Don’t like pain or discomfort.
9 –Naturally generous, if someone else really, really wants to win, I might help them, even if it means I will lose. Winning isn't that important to me anyway.
10 – Seriously, no one wants me on their team.
Even so, I can’t help but wonder what it feels like to finish running that marathon. Or how to trash talk in French, up hill on a bicycle. Or what it would feel like to play psychological games to have a competitive advantage. Or to be able to analyze an opponents swing in golf. Or catch a touchdown.
It makes no logical sense, and I have yet to figure out how to measure my success or failure. But, I'm going to try to become an athlete.
Or I'll fall down again. Either way, I'm going to chronicle the adventure here. The worst thing that can happen is I'll face plant and we all know it won't be the first time.
So, bring it. (Athletes say that, I'm learning already.)
