The Unfit Athlete

Catching Up

So, the question has come up, “Why haven’t I been blogging?”.  I get it.  I was committed to it.  I was doing it and then I disappeared.  Okay – here’s the short version --

Doug and I broke up and we both needed privacy and distance.  So, writing a blog about my life didn’t feel appropriate.  

Then he passed away very suddenly.  We’d been leading separate lives for a while when this occurred, but his death still makes me profoundly sad and I needed some solo time to process.  I’m still processing, but I’m not as hibernate-y about it.  (Hibernate totally needs an adjective form.  Who’s with me?)

In other news – I’m an Aunt, writing for Private Practice, connecting and reconnecting with fantastic friends, spending as much time as geographically possible with my amazing family, adoring my two cats, and working on my never ending to-do list.  In short, I’m still as busy as I always was.  Blah, blah, blah, that’s life.  We’re all busy.  All women are.  All men are too, as far as I can tell.   

So, where am I in terms of fitness?   I’ll go into depth later but here are the broad strokes:

I’m working with a very smart nutritionist and the way I’m eating is constantly evolving (and regressing and evolving and regressing and evolving – I’ve learned to love baby steps and two steps forward one step back.)

Twice a week minimum I do Pilates.  I’m addicted to it and I mostly enjoy it.  The lack of back pain resulting from constant work is certainly a grand motivator.

There’s push up club and sit up club at work.  (My co-workers are as nutty as I am.  Thank goodness.)

Guess what I can do all by myself?  Put the bike rack on the car.  My bike on the bike rack and drive to a bike trail I love riding on.  (I don’t do this nearly enough, but I’m always grateful to myself when I do.)

I’ve got so much to tell you.  So, stay tuned!  And tell your friends.  :) 

Also, let me know how you’ve been.  I’ve missed you.

 

I'm Back

Once upon a time, when I still wrote my blog regularly, on New Years Eve Day,  I got this text from my cousin/best friend Lora,  “I just looked at all of my resolutions for this year and I haven’t done any of them.  Can I get a DO OVER?

The answer is… Yes!  We all get do overs.  Why not!  After all, we're making our own rules, right?  So...

I’m declaring my own DO OVER and I am restarting my blog!  

 

BACK PAIN SUCKS, NO KIDDING

You know how I write for television?  Well, part of the job is to produce episodes of television.  Which basically means, I sit on my ass in a director's chair for a billion hours a day on set and answer any questions the actors, directors and crew members might have about the script.  It's fun.  Except when your back goes out.  Which happened to me at the end of last season.

 It was during the filming of the season finale of Private Practice.  The brilliant Jeannot Szwarc was directing a script written by the equally brilliant Debora Cahn.  I was sitting on my chair in what we fondly call video village, when all of a sudden my lower back started to spasm.  Not such a big deal, right?  It's a lot like cramps.  I'm a grown woman.  No stranger to cramps.  I can handle this for sure.  No worries.  Until the spasms didn't stop.  

And they didn't stop.

And they didn't stop.

And all of a sudden I didn't know if I was going to be able to stand up or walk. 

I was scared.

So, I tried to stand.  I made it.  Sort of.  My left shoulder faced backwards, my left arm was suspended in air, trailing behind my body.  I felt contorted and twisted like an ancient knotted tree or cousin Jerry from THE FACTS OF LIFE.  Pain seared up and down my spine.  I was miserable and terrified and needed to work four more hours, until the end of the day.

I know what you're thinking, couldn't someone cover for me?  And the answer is all of my amazing co-workers wanted to and all of them had other important things they needed to be doing.  So, I got through it.  Then, I was in bed on my back for a few days.

The things was, I had planned a vacation in Hawaii a week after the filming of Season 3 ended.  But, I wanted to be healthy and able bodied in Hawaii because I fully  intended to bike down a volcano, learn to snorkel and swim with turtles.  So, as soon as I could walk, I got my ass to the pilates studio and worked every single day until I left for Hawaii.

The first exercise Amanda (my pilates instructor) did with me was a gentle hip massage, where she glided my legs back and forth and I basically did nothing.  Slowly, we worked at relaxing my lower back and strengthening my abs.   Slowly, my back began to release and I could feel the benefit of the strength work.  And by the time I got to Hawaii, I could not only walk, I could move around and enjoy the scenery.

THE SPORT OF RELAXATION

I'm face down, in the Pacific Ocean.  The tide gently rocks me back and forth, back and forth. 

I'm snorkeling.  Sport #3.

I watch bright yellow fish and orange fish, many, many fish swimming in and over and through coral.  There's a green turtle to my right.

My back pain floats away in the tide.  (It got bad the last few weeks on set, so bad I had trouble walking.)

The stress of the last weeks of work floats away in the tide.

My guilt of not writing my blog floats away in the tide. 

I forget I'm a writer, girlfriend, daughter or friend. 

In this moment, I'm a woman swimming with turtles. 

One of them swims to the top and I follow her.  Just an arms length away  Three feet away  the reptile opens her mouth and inhales. 

She looks like a dinosaur, something primal, something ancient, she breathes the same air I breathe.  And she's right there.  Being so close to something so foreign makes time and space feel both small and infinite.  (Is this what Borges was exploring in El Aleph?)  The turtle dives.  Her dance is ancient.  Her life is simple, straight forward, uncomplicated.  

I float and watch her swim,the serenity I so often long for envelopes me.  It is mingled with the water and inseparable from the push and the pull of the tide.  The serenity is the fish below me, moving back and forth and back and forth in the current.  And the serenity is me. 

This moment will last forever in my memory to be recalled when I need a piece of stillness and this moment is already gone.  Both things are equally true.

Another thing is equally true, there is a turtle breathing right now, there are yellow fish and orange fish and puffer fish and blow fish moving back and forth with the water as I write this.  And if I hadn't been brave, been determined to be both unfit and an athlete, I wouldn't know that.

It's good to be back my friends.  I have many stories and adventures to tell you.

I LOVE MY JOB

I love my job.  

However, it's taking up all my time.  And brain space.  And energy.  And everything else right now.

The truth is, I'm not exercising because I haven't learned how to balance working a bagillion (sp?) hours a week and getting in exercise time for me.  Though, I did get some new grips for my mountain bike and I'm hoping to ride it in the dirt for reals this weekend.

And I do have some athletic stories to tell you, but I don't have time to write them right now.

One good bit of news - LOSE IT! has helped with the food and I'm still losing weight even though my exercise has been crap.

So, that's the update.  More soon.  Once I'm no longer writing a script on deadline. 

I promise.

YOGA, HUMILITY AND MY SCRIPT

Exciting news, I'm writing episode 321 of Private Practice!

Stressful news, it's due Monday.  So, this is going to be short (and late, since today is Thursday).

Went to an ego reducing yoga class the other day.  It was terrible.  I was enjoying my ego the size it was, but, now it's smaller.

I used to be able to do this pose...

Now, I can't.

Ten years ago, I worked everyday for a year to be able to do it.  It's part of the sun salutation and is done many, many times in a yoga class.  

The first time I did it my yoga teacher, Suzanne and I were ecstatic. I'd worked so hard so consistently and she had witnessed it so she could taste my victory.

But, I let it go and now I'm a beginner again.

After class, sitting cross legged on the floor, looking at myself in the mirror with my belly before me, I look like a Buddha statue.  

Trust me, I don't often compare myself with deity and if I had to pick a religious icon to look like, I'm not sure fat Buddha would be at the top of my list.  But, in this moment, I took it as a sign that I would be able to find the Zen place deep within which will allow me to do the work it will take to become lighter and stronger and chaturanga dandasana able... again.

Now, I must work on my script.

BIKING IN DIRT

I biked in the dirt.

Not to be confused with mountain biking (which happens in the dirt) and looks like this...

 

Or dirt biking which also happens in the dirt and looks like this...

Those who know me well, like say my mother, are thinking -- "Elizabeth, you hate to get dirty and have from the time you were an infant when you refused to crawl in grass or go barefoot.  Biking in dirt should be the last thing on earth you want to do."  

To that I say, "So, true.  And yet, I do want to do it."  

It all started when I watched this amazing trailer for a documentary called RACE AGROSS THE SKY. It's about Leadville 100 -- an INSANE Mountain Bike race across 100 beautiful miles in Colorado.  Where all these people dress in lycra and bike in the dirt.  Uphill and downhill and in the rain and in the snow through some of the most beautiful places on earth.  If you want to watch it, here it is: 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUol4meP9H4

When I watched it I thought to myself... Gee, I'd like to try that.  In fact, I'd like to ride the Leadville 100.  In fact, I'd like to beat Lance Armstrong in that race.

Then I thought to myself, "Who are you?"  

Then I thought to myself, "I'm the unfit athlete, I've got to take on some challenge, why not Leadville?  Why not Lance Armstrong?"  

Then I thought to myself.  "Whoa, slow down there partner, how about you just try riding a bike in dirt and see if you like it?"  

And I woke up last Saturday morning and I did just that.  I road my bike in the dirt.

The black lab in the front is Peaches, our mutt.  I'm riding at what I lovingly refer to as our country home, which is on 3 acres of dirt (with a view of Big Bear Mountain and Idyllwild). The yellow building is the well house.  

Here's me posing under a tree.  I just woke up and my hair is standing straight up.  My expression says, "I'm half asleep and I'm a little confused as to why I'm on this bike under the tree, but I'm smiling with my eyes.  BEHIND the lids."   Personally, I think the look works for me.  It's not like Tyra, Heidi or Elle have got this one in their repertoire.  It's uniquely my own.  

You'll notice dirt and terrain, it's not smooth, even dirt it's bumpy dirt with pine needles and trees and holes where critters live.  It's also got some elevation, I rode uphill and downhill.  I rode in exactly three circles around the house until I rode over something that punctured the tire tube and gave me a flat. 

During those three laps I learned some very important things.

I do like riding in dirt on terrain in places with elevation.  It engages my mind in ways riding on a paved bike trail does not and it's fun.  I want to do more of it.  

And I would have done more of it last Saturday if it weren't for the flat tire, which taught me the second lesson...

Becoming a "real athlete" who does actual sports in the actual world (as opposed to riding an elliptical in a gym - which I'm not knocking at all -- but, it's different) presents a new reason not to be able to work out -- 

Equipment failure.  And it's a bummer, because I was having fun.

AAA doesn't come around to fix your flat bike tire.  There's no gym manager to complain to, to get the broken equipment fixed.  According to Doug, cyclists carry extra tubes in their ride packs and if they get a flat on the road, they fix it themselves.  (And how sexy is it that my man knows how to fix a flat bike tire himself?)

But, my bike's new, so  I don't have any extra tubes and the flat ended my dirt biking experience and began my napping experience and I have to admit while I was totally sad I had to stop biking, it was a great nap.

But, I'm itching to get out on a dirt trail and try out the dirt biking "for reals".  Guess we're going to have to make a trip to Performance Bicycle and get some tubes for the mountain bikes.

On a side note... 

Just want to check in regarding my New Year's Resolutions.

Haven't decided yet what the new sport for March will be.  I'm going to continue the biking, but I'm still working toward my resolutions and am trying a new sport every month.  (Jan is Pilates.  Feb is biking.)  I'm leaning toward taking a rock climbing class.  Though, Doug is encouraging me to try an team sport.  Not sure I'm ready for the nightmare of letting down others.  Maybe I should organize an "Unfit Athlete kickball game".  That would at least be a blast. 

I've lost 6 pounds.  

There's a free app on iPhone called Lose It that helps with calorie tracking.  I've found it useful.  (My mom found that one and shared.  Thanks Mom!)

The resolution I'm most falling behind on is the cooking 24 new healthy dishes.  So, I'm going to have to get on that...soonish. (In the back of my mind I keep thinking, I can always cook 24 healthy dishes in December if push comes to shove.  I know that's not the point and defeats the reason it's one of my resolutions but, what can I say, I'm a huge procrastinator.)

The goal of moving 1,000 miles in 2010 is definitely keeping me moving.  It keeps me on the treadmill/elliptical for longer.  So, that is most definitely an effective motivator.  That being said, I've got less than 50 miles, so, I've got many miles to go before I sleep.  (Homage to Robert Frost)

Thanks to reader Sonja's kind nudge in January, I've posted a blog every Wednesday since early January.  Sometimes it's been LATE Wednesday, but I've done it before I go to sleep Wednesday night.  So, here's a shout out to Sonja and accountability.

Now, it's time to stop writing and go home to have dinner with Doug.

INTRODUCING MY BIKE!

This is my new bike -- 

The one Doug got me for Christmas, only we were too busy to actually shop for the bike until last weekend.  She's posed like the rugged glamazon she is alongside Doug's mountain bike.

A Trek Woman's Specific Design 4300.  A mountain bike with a floral design.

We went to Budget Pro Bicycles in Eagle Rock to look around.  Just so that I could get an idea for what's out there and maybe test ride a few bikes.  

Budget Pro's in a strip mall and from the outside looks like a little hole in the wall.  I expected it to be about 500 square feet at most.  But, it's actually quite large and well stocked.  All the sales people are also cyclists and work there so they can talk about bikes all day.

Joe helped me.

First, he taught me how to figure out what size bike I need.  

You straddle the bike and make sure there's a comfortable amount of space between your crotch and the top bar of the frame.  (Very important.)

I need either a small or a medium frame.  

Time to test ride.  

First up -- the small WSD 4300.   It felt good, but it also felt too small.  Why it felt good, was impossible for me to describe.  But, I knew it was too small because when I extended my leg out all the way to get maximum push my butt hung off the back of the seat.

Joe suggested I try one of his favorite models - a Gary Fisher unisex (read designed for men) bike.  It was blue (my favorite color) and very sexy.  Wasn't too small, but I didn't like the way it felt. The boys asked me why.  I didn't really know.  It felt like I had to lean over too far to get the handle bars, so it wasn't as comfortable.  Joe believed I just needed a different saddle.   He went in to get a comfort seat so I could try that.

Doug and I stayed outside and talked about what I liked and didn't like with the bikes.  When Joe came back out I asked to try the Trek 4300 in a medium.  That bike was up high, so it was a pain in the ass for them to get it down, but I had a feeling about it and wanted to try it.

I'm glad I did.  It was perfect!  So Doug bought it for me.

Sunday Doug and I packed our bikes up on the car and drove out to the bike paths in Arcadia.  

I LOVED IT!  

So, fun.  Much, much more fun than riding the stationary bike at the gym.  

When I went up hill I pretended that I was Lance Armstrong on the sixth day of the Tour of France.  This kept me going.  When I really struggled, Doug put his hand on my back and used the momentum from his own riding to help me.  We stopped when I needed to stop, but all told I was able to go about five miles. Not too far (I wanted to go 10), but not bad for my first time out.  The most important thing...

I liked it.  There's a sport I like!  Yippee!

KEVIN SMITH

By now you've probably heard that Kevin Smith got kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight for being overweight.  He has 1.5 million followers on Twitter and immediately started to tweet about the ill treatment he was receiving from Southwest.  Soon the story appeared on the news  (both trashy and respectable) including TMZ and The Boston Globe.  Southwest had a PR representative, someone with experience talking to people and calming them down, call Kevin Smith.  She apologized to him and even wrote a blog on the Southwest Airlines website publicly apologizing to Kevin Smith.  

If you want more info on the story -- here are some links.

If not, here's a link to Kevin's blog:

http://silentbobspeaks.com/

The BOSTON GLOBE uses this incident to create the headline, "Kevin Smith:  Too fat to fly?"

http://www.boston.com/travel/blog/2010/02/kevin_smith_too.html

THE SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE asks the question... "Is Kevin Smith Two People?"

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/green/detail?entry_id=57282

This whole thing makes me say....YUCK!

This story broke while I was on the elliptical Sunday night.  (Completely true.)  My first thought was -- wow, if celebrities are getting kicked of a SOUTHWEST flight for being too fat, the rest of us are in deep, deep shit.  Businesses typically go very far out of their way to get celebrities to patronize them.  If they are willing to shame a famous person, I'd hate to think how they're treating the rest of us.

Yet, it swiftly comes to light that the reason Kevin Smith was treated in this way?  He was mistaken for a fat nobody rather than the fat somebody he is. 

Let's face it, everybody - fat, thin and in between - has had some crapy experience flying.  How many of us have ever received a CALL from the airline to apologize?  A call from someone above worker bee level at the airline?  Someone with the authority to write a personal blog of apology? 

I'm outraged Kevin Smith was treated in a way he found shaming.  And more outraged that there are many other people who have been shamed by corporate America who receive no apology.  

And a word to the reporters creating headlines -- a little dignity please, we all know Kevin Smith isn't two people.

Personally, I'm rallying in support for Kevin Smith.  The reason being, I don't want it to be okay for the Airlines to shame fat people.  It's a sensitive arena for the obese, as having to buy two seats or get a seat belt extender are rights of passage on the way up and also the way down on the journey of weight gain/loss.  It's not hard to understand that no matter what size you are.  So, I would think that any steward could act compassionately and in a non-shaming way with any customer. If not, perhaps some sort of sensitivity training should be mandatory for the flight staff.

And I mean with all of their famous AND non-famous passengers.

THE MUNDANE: ELLIPTICAL MACHINES AND DRAG QUEENS

My mother's sister has made physical fitness a daily priority in her life for a long, long time.  Probably since the sixties, but maybe longer.  She enjoys walks after dinner, going to Curves and an assortment of other activities which combined with her good eating habits have kept her in great shape. Last week she read my blog and sent my mom a kind e-mail saying, "Elizabeth can make the mundane so funny!".

I have two thoughts about this.

The First - I love compliments and especially love being told my writing is funny.  Her words make me feel very, very good.   (Thanks Aunt Marty!)

The Second - Exercise is mundane?? That's where I've been going wrong!  (I'm making the hitting my forehead with the palm of my hand motion.)

To my mind, exercise isn't so mundane, it's more akin to an exotic trip abroad...like visiting an ashram in rural India. When I go to workout I'm outside my comfort zone, there's an element of spiritual seeking and I'm not sure what's going to happen next.

Example...

Take the seemingly mundane task of going to the gym and jumping onto the elliptical machine for thirty minutes.  I put in my earbuds and allow my mind to soar.  

One of my two favorite fantasies emerge.

I'm an amazing white, plump, female rapper -- like Queen Latifah back in the 80's, only angry like Eminem.  I shake things up with my look, wearing pastels, a pink cardigan and a button up shirt with jeans and ballet flats.  The critics love my love for juxtaposition and appreciate my humor.

SPIN MAGAZINE says, E-low takes fighting the power to the next level, finally a rap artist speaks out against automated teleprompts, evil cable oligopolies and terrible customer service.  Her nice midwestern looks and "Don't Frak with me" dope rhymes make her assessable to her loyal audience which spans generation, ethnicity and income level.

Oh, yeah.  Everyone loves me when I'm an elliptical rap star.  

Until, I begin to analyze the rap lyrics.  I find the profundity behind the profanity.  After all, Eminem is right, we might all be Slim Shady, so let's all stand up and if you know what I'm talking about, perhaps "The Real Slim Shady" is on your exercise mix too.  

Soon after I start to dissect the lyrics, I begin to get restless with exercising and it's time to bring in the big guns...

"I Don't Feel Like Dancing"  by the Scissor Sisters

The fantasy...

I'm a six foot tall Drag Queen with a huge wig, glitter eye shadow, ruby red platform pumps, and a grand ball gown, the kind of thing that would make Tim Gunn use the word, "costume".  When I come onto the dance floor, everyone notices.

Not very mundane, is it?  Well, not for me anyway, I suppose for an actual Drag Queen it could be, but, in my fantasy Drag Queens only admit to being fabulous.

And that's why this is why this is my beloved fantasy.

Like many woman, I'm prone to feeling fat and ugly. 

One such day, I was on the elliptical machine, listening to the Scissor Sisters and I thought to myself, "I hate being a girl and feeling fat and ugly".  Then I thought, "You know who really enjoys being a girl?  Drag Queens."  In all the movies I've seen them in, they really seem to work it in bold, exaggerated ways that I have not worked being a woman... well ever.  

So, I did what any writer would do, pretended I was a Drag Queen at a disco rather than a fat girl on the elliptical and you know what?  The time I was exercising FLEW by.  So, I bought an ABBA album and the rest is history.  

Though sometimes, when I'm feeling more mundane, I do wonder what the person exercising behind me thinks.  Because, that person, has probably made exercise a daily habit and finds it to be... mundane and is probably amused by all my jumping around while I work the exercise machines.